Richardisms
Overheard at the Richard house…
(The newest ones are always at the top)
2010
“Mom, why is Erin driving me crazy? She’s been doing it since she was born!” - Ethan // Now you know how I felt growing up as the oldest 5… Just kidding! 
Rachel: Ethan just informed me that he can lick his arm pit just like “Good Luck, Charlie”. I don’t know whether to be proud or grossed out.
Rachel: Ethan said that if I ever started doing more photography, I should call myself the “Flashing Photographer”. I’m going to veto that name for obvious reasons.
“So, Daddy needs to take a “toilet tree” on his trip? What?!?” - Ethan // Uh, that would be “toiletries”…
“Mommy, why do you have underwear on your head?” -Erin // I guess my pink flowery bandana looks weird to a 4 yr old
“Mom, we’ve got skills. Like me – I’ve got a big brain and I’m pretty smart. Erin is sorta funny and can make people laugh. And you, well… you can squirt water out of that hole in your neck. You’ve at least got that.” – Ethan // Thanks, kid. Glad to know I’ve “at least got that”.
“It’s a good thing I don’t take drugs.” -Ethan today after having to pee in a cup for his 7 yr check-up
“When I become a mommy, I’m going to invent a chicken nugget tree.” -Erin // Why wait? This could totally save us a TON of money each month.
Rachel: I’m finding it funny/ironic that Erin is singing “It’s A Hard Knock Life” while picking up her toys. We just watched Annie this week…
Erin: “Somewhere over the…” Ethan: “NEXT!” Erin: “But I didn’t get to finish my song…” Ethan: “That’s ok. I could already tell that I didn’t like it.” // Auditions are rough…
Rachel: You dump 1/2 a carton of orange juice on the table and then proceed to lap it up like a cat? My children have turned into to animals…
“I know exactly why Daddy married you. He saw you and thought that you were beautiful.” -Erin on the way to school. // Girl – you’ve just made your mama’s day.
“When you hear me sing, you’ll be my fans.” -Erin while on the way to her spring program tonight
“Wow, Mom. You look so much better, not as bumpy.” -Ethan watching me put on make-up this morning. // Thanks, kid.
“You impress me. I want you to pay me 35 bucks.” -Erin // Ah, no…
“Poor plants. What has my mom done to you?” - Erin
“Erin, you have a huge mouth but a small body…” – Ethan
Rachel: Scared myself when I looked in the mirror after a day of early morning travel and no sleep.
Erin: “Guess what I’m allergic to!” Me: “You aren’t allergic to anything that we know of.” Erin: “Yes, I am. I’m allergic to my brother.”
Erin at the top of her lungs in a crowded resturant: “Mom, look! There’s a big, fat woman!” Me: “Hush! That’s not nice!” Erin: “But, mom, she SO fat!” // Oh, my
“Ugh! I don’t think this thing works right.” - Erin playing w/ the bathroom scales. // That’s EXACTLY how I feel each time I step on them!
“Ethan, can you make my fairy godmother disappear?” - Erin // What is this? The fairy-tale mob?
Rachel: “Quit dancing on the coffee table & get down!” Erin: “But I just needed a BIG stage!” // A preview of more drama to come? Oh, Lord…
“Well, I’ve got to go shave my back.” - Ethan // What???? Bwahahaha!
““We can’t talk about the specifics of what Daddy does at his job at the dinner table.” - Rachel // Last week’s conversation about rat blood…
“So apparently Ke$ha is Lady Gaga minus the musical talent?” - John
“Tonight’s musical words of wisdom are brought to you by Bell Biv Devoe: “Never trust a big butt and a smile”.” - John
“I had a dream that I put my sister in an electric cage and every time she touched it she got shocked.” - Ethan // Yikes…
Erin: “Easter is when Jesus goes to bed.” Me: “You mean rose from the dead?” Erin: “Yeah, that too.”
“I do not have the coordination to work at a job like Sonic where you wear roller skates. I’d bring new meaning to “ground delivery”.” -Rachel
“Ethan, the more I love you, the more I’ll admit it.” - Erin // Ah, sibling love. Give it 5 minutes and they’ll be fighting.
“I’m trying to convince Erin that taking a mold of her mouth (an impression) doesn’t actually involve putting mold (nasty stuff) in her mouth.” - Rachel
“Tying shoes is the worst thing in the world!” - A grumpy Ethan this morn. // Really, son? I hope that’s as bad as your world ever gets.
“I’m not really a bad guy but I sound like one”. - Erin
“I’m still not too sure about the “ice mummies” in the center of the stage during the opening ceremony for the Olympics…” – Rachel
“I think pigs have invaded the kids’ room. I’m waiting for them to ask if they can have troughs installed at the foot of each of their beds.” - Rachel
“Big, big, mamma eating lard.” - Erin // Just caught trying to sing the Menard’s theme song. LOL!!!
“Why don’t I know about “The Who”?” - Ethan // Well, son, it’s because you are about 40 some years too young.
“I’m almost nocturnal but my eyes don’t glow.” -Ethan // Can you tell that he likes to read non-fiction books? LOL!
“Chick-Fil-A is like a dysfunctional village tonight…” - Rachel
“In a perfect world, there would be no alarm clocks.” – Rachel
“John just booked our hotel for tomorrow night in Missouri. It says it has a whirlpool tub in it. Let’s see if it’s quality or if it’s a regular tub that comes with a can of beans.” - Rachel
“You’re going to fix my coat with a needle and Fred? Who’s Fred?” -Erin
“Mom, I’m so sad that I didn’t get to hear Bon Jovi today.” - Erin // Even a kid knows good music when she hears it.
2007-2009
“Either I’m mute or the kids are deaf… Everyone is getting hearing aids for Christmas…” - Rachel
“I’m going to suck your brains out! Oh, look! Now, you can’t think!” - Erin, while holding a straw to Kim and Elyse’s heads tonight.
Ethan: “What’s that?” Me: “A sleeping bag.” Ethan: “Oh, yeah… It’s for when customers spend the night.” Me: ” What? You mean your friends?” Ethan: “Yeah, that’s what I meant.” // Wow…LOL!
“Mommy, you’re really grumpy when you’re tired.” - Erin // I think the pot just called the kettle black.
“Ethan carried on a converstion w/ a cashier about his cast. When we left, he winked at me and said “I think I’ve got a good shot.” Oh, Lord, help me!” - Rachel
“The kids just put bows on their heads and said, “Look, Mom! We’re your gift!”. // Yes, you are, sweet babies. Yes, you are.” - Rachel
“I’m creeped out. The kids are rolling around on the floor pretending to be tape worms. Ugh…” - Rachel
“I don’t like Missile Toes.” - Ethan
“I have a BRILLIANT secret for you! We should get Daddy a dinosaur bed for Christmas. I think he’ll love it!” -Erin, telling what she wants to give 4 Christmas.
“Can I watch a little show…like something I don’t like to calm me down? Maybe something Erin would usually watch?” - Ethan, 5 minutes ago // Strange request but the boy’s gotta be tired…lol
“I swear I am tired. I just tried to put DVDs in the freezer.” - Rachel
“Erin just peed her pants and then fell in a mud puddle. For just a second, I thought “Could this count as a bath?”!” -Rachel
“Your rib cage protects your heart and lungs so they won’t be terrified of sugar.” - Ethan, at bedtime tonight
“Erin’s revelatory observation at the breakfast table this morning: “Daddy, Mickey Mouse is a RAT!”" - John
“Does Erin belong to someone else or is she ours?” -Ethan, today at lunch
“Daddy, why is that guy blowing fire?” - Erin, upon seeing a guy smoking a cigarette outside of Wal Mart last night.
“Well, just got back from seeing “G-Force” with Ethan. Probably the best CGI guinea pig spy action movie I’ve seen in a while…” - John
“I’m introducing Ethan to Star Trek. “Train up a child in the way he should go…” ” - Rachel
“I’m sick. A game will make me feel better.” - Erin, trying to weasel her way back out of bed tonight.
“The Swipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish.” -Erin, singing her Dora remix of “The Wheels On The Bus”
“Anybody else think that Cocoa Pebbles look like scabs? I know that makes you just want to run and try some now, doesn’t it?” - Rachel
“The kids are pretending to secret agents. They’ve named each other Agent 1 and Agent 2. Erin just yelled “Let’s go, Number 2!” I can’t help but laugh like a junior high boy…” - Rachel
“Mom, I don’t know which language they speak here.” -Ethan as we pass through Ohio
“Whoever toots wins. OH! I WIN!” – Erin, our darling ladylike daughter. Matt, you live in TX. How can you have this much influence from that far away?” - Rachel
“I wish that Dora was a little more like McGuyver. It would make the show a heck of a lot more interesting.” - Rachel
“Mommy, what are you going to be when you grow up? An astronaut or maybe a famous dancer?” - Erin at lunch today.
“One day we can make a band, Erin, and I can play the Liberty Bell!” -Ethan
“Ethan, when we pretend you make a bad Darth Vader.” -Erin
“If someone is dumb, we shouldn’t call them dumb.” -Erin, words of advice from a 3 year old
“I want to kindly thank you for dancing in orange juice.” - Rachel
“I find it ironic that there is limo parked outside the Dollar Tree.” - Rachel
Erin while looking at the game shelf: “What’s this?” Me: “It’s Killer Bunnies”. She makes a disgusted face then says matter-a-factly ” No, bunnies are not killers. They just eat tiny orange carrots and hop around.” Oh my…LOL!!!
“What have you done to my life? You chose my life to be a bad guy’s life!” -Erin after I told her she couldn’t get a toy at the store.
“What if a dinosaur came to our school and ate our friends?” -Erin talking with Ethan in the car tonight
“I want you to call the preschool and tell them I don’t want to go anymore.” - Erin this morning waking up GRUMPY!
“New medicine is giving me hot flashes! Is this a scary glimpse into my menopausal future? Time to stock up on deodorant…and fans! LOL!” - Rachel
“I love making money while doing laundry. I’m $0.62 richer because someone didn’t empty their pockets!” - Rachel
“My kids are acting out a self-written Mario & Luigi death scene. Should I be concerned or just enroll them in Children’s Theater?” - Rachel
“My Care Bear comes in peace…in a spaceship.” -Erin
Ethan: “So, Jesus is like God’s sidekick.” John: “Ha…I feel a status update coming.” – My boys, tonight at bedtime.
“I might marry Austin.” - Erin, after seeing a commercial for a show called “Always A Bridesmaid”. Ok, kids. How about we wait about 20 yrs?
“Two new businesses going up right next to each other at Rockville & Raceway: Health Spot & Little Ceasar’s Pizza. Oh, the irony…” - Rachel
“My brother , Ethan, gives me a lot of headaches.” -Erin
“I’m the brains of the family.” -Ethan, while doing a crossword puzzle. Too cute! And now a lesson on how to be humble…lol
“Mom, I had a dream about God. He brought me flowers and told me he loved me. There were so many flowers I couldn’t carry them!” -Erin, waking up this morning.
“Uh…. Anyone know a good way to get “Fun Dip” out of an ear? “Oh, what a beautiful morning…” - Rachel
“Lord, help me this morning. I have itchy, swollen, watery eyes and a child who won’t quit playing in the toilet. Welcome to spring break.” - Rachel
“Ok, Erin. Draw 2.” “I can’t. I don’t have a pencil.” -Erin playing UNO
“Geese! Ack! Why can’t they obey traffic laws?” – Rachel
“I’m trying to figure out why I got mail addressed to me from the company that makes Depends. I don’t need their products…yet. LOL!” - Rachel
“I’m “Laundry Woman”. If I pretend I’m a superhero, it makes doing laundry more exciting.” - Rachel
“Hair dye dripped down my forehead. Now I have a little Cardasian thing going on. Sweet!” - Rachel
Erin just purposefully dumped a half-full glass of chocolate milk on her head. “To Louis!” Thanks, “Meet The Robinsons”.
“I think my nose, throat, ears and lungs are throwing a party. Fuuunnn…..” - Rachel
“Erin is up asking for money this morning. She says she’s planning a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. She’s almost 3. Now she just needs a job.” -Rachel
“I meant to say “Rachel is making slides – as in media slides not like “throw-your-hands-up-and-scream “weeeeeeeeee” slides.” - Rachel
“Heh… the teacher said our daughter is “spirited”. I think that’s code for “VERY active and loud 2 year old”.” - Rachel
“Mom, I don’t want to go to school today. I already know all things.” - Ethan // Really? lol
“Should I be concerned that our daughter is putting her My Little Ponies inside the oven of her play kitchen to “bake”?” - Rachel
“Ok, let’s head over to my boring office.” - Erin, pretending she’s going to work with Ethan
“C’mon…It’s midnight. Turn your music off and take your party posse somewhere else.” - Rachel
“When I get really old…23…I want to go to McDonalds” - Erin
“Mom, we’ve got to be quiet. We can’t wake up the space monkey!” -Erin
Ethan: “Mommy, can I have this candy that’s in my mouth?” Me: “It’s a little late to ask, don’t you think?”
“It’s sad that I give myself pep talks using quotes from cartoons…” - Rachel
“Mom…Today, Jordan had her hair a little crazy. I think she got struck by lightening”. -Ethan, talking about a girl in his class.
“Why is there $0.78 in our freezer?” – Rachel
“We got weird looks when our kid yelled “SANTA ISN’T REAL!” to a bunch of people (kids too) at the Lilly Christmas party this morning…Great…” - Rachel
“Please do not throw baby Jesus!” “Seriously, if you are gonna fight over Jesus, we need to put Him back in the manger and go to your room!” – Rachel
“I’m about to kill the cat. I know it’s Christmas but I’d prefer you NOT to leave me a gift!” - Rachel
“Mom, I think I’m allergic to books or turtles. I keep sneezing while I’m reading the Franklin book.” - Ethan
“The cattle are glowing the baby awakes…” - Ethan, singing “Away In A Manger” last night. LOL!
“Are you snorting shredded cheese? Seriously… this is not good.” - Rachel
“Little boys are fully of the strangest sound effects. In the last 5 minutes, I’ve heard animals, vehicles, weapons and body functions…” - Rachel
Ethan: “Mom, I know what’s in heaven.” Me: “Yeah?” Ethan: “Yeah, it’s God and a bunch of dead people.” LOL!
“Oooh! It’s nap time. The short ones are getting REALLY grumpy!” - Rachel
“I’m NOT the family therapist. I’m about to roll out my hourly rate.” - Rachel
“Is it just me or is it weird to string up a pinata designed like your child’s favorite character and wack it with a stick? Sounds tramatic. It’s like hate crimes against cartoons… lol” – Rachel
“Daddy’s our henchman” - Ethan to Erin while playing “Secret Agent Super Spies” this morning.
“Holographs only work on Star Trek. Thanks for reminding me CNN.” - Rachel
“Ethan, who is your all time favorite president?” Ethan: “The one with the ugly teeth and the house made of wood.” Maybe George Washington? No idea…lol
“Epilepsy! Seize the day!” -Rachel
Ethan: When I was a little baby, I was in your tummy and then I popped out! Me: Uh, yeah. Ethan: Wait a minute! How did I get out? There isn’t a door…” // Oh, my.
“So, today, Erin came and brought me a dozen eggs from the fridge and said that she wanted “legs” for lunch. What is that? French eggs? L’eggs or hosiery?” - Rachel
“Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.” - Rachel
“Urogram – Like a candy gram but not as fun.” - Rachel
“Is it me or does “The Bird’s Nest” look like a giant toilet seat?” - Rachel
“Let’s not fight. Just give it to me.” - Ethan, talking to Erin today about a toy.
“No surgery at the dinner table.” – Rachel
“I accidentally pulled the dining room chandelier down. Just a tip…don’t try to hang clean laundry on it…ever…while you run off to do something else.” - Rachel
“I’m WAY too old to Slip ‘n Slide. Tomorrow is gonna HURT!” - Rachel
